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Love, happiness and non-duality
When the ego is seen through, all there is is what is. This is actually love, this is the real love.
Q. What is the relationship between love and non-duality?
A. Non-duality, as you call it, when it is fully seen, has nothing to do with trying to become more loving. But when the intrinsic-Freedom-that-already-exists is recognised, there is a tendency to become more loving, more open. Not that that actually matters. Openness and love are just what tend to happen when the illusion of a separate doer-entity is seen to be illusory. They are side effects.
Q. If in seeing this Freedom one tends to become more loving, then why do you say non-duality has nothing to do with being more loving?
A. This is about what is true, not what you want to be true. You may want to be more loving, more ethical or more whatever, but so-called ‘non-duality’ is about seeing what already is, right now. It is the ego or person that wants to become more loving, more ethical, more radiant, more popular, and so on. So the desire to be more loving is actually a subtle form of ego. ‘Non-duality’, or whatever you want to call it, is not about a continuation of the ego, but seeing that this ego is a fiction, that the sense of doership is an imagined belief without any evidence to underpin it.
It is the ego or person that wants to become more loving, more ethical, more radiant, more popular, and so on.
Who cares about love? Who cares about being ethical? It’s the ego of course. The ego cares, the doer-entity cares and it is the ego that wants to improve itself and therefore perpetuate itself. Ask yourself, ‘what is this entity that cares about being loving, being ethical?’. If you really are interested and you look, then it can become obvious that there is no ego there, it was all just a belief all along, a false belief. The story of doership is false.
Then all there is is what’s happening. Nobody doing anything, just what’s happening. I call this Freedom, but it doesn’t really have a name. It is simply what’s happening. It is simply the way things actually are, not they way you want things to be based on your projection which is in turn based on beliefs and concepts. It is the simplicity of life stripped clean of false notions and narratives, in which false notions are seen through as they arise.
I call this Freedom, but it doesn’t really have a name. It is simply what’s happening.
In Freedom, you don’t care about love, or any other projected ideal. You don’t try to be more ethical. Maybe you are more loving, maybe you are not. That’s why this automatically tends towards love – because there is no motive, because the ego is not at play. It may go against intuition but love does not care about love. Love just is when things are seen for what they are. To put it more poetically, in seeing truth (of no-self), love is.
In seeing truth, love is
Q. What about happiness?
A. Again, who cares about happiness? It’s the ego! The ego cares, and the ego is a fiction. Relax your mind and look for the ego – where is it? It is just empty thoughts, there is no entity there! But you have to really want to know the truth to see this: by that I mean that you have to be willing to drop all your ideas and concepts about yourself and your life. Then you really have to actually look – at least most people do. Some people just see this spontaneously, but all you have to do is notice what is already true.
When this is seen, that there is no ‘self-entity’, the neurotic drive for happiness naturally dissipates, and then Joy naturally arises. Why? Because the (neurotic) drive for happiness is actually a form of suffering. When there is no concern for happiness, then Joy naturally tends to manifest. A feeling of wellbeing may not always be there, but who cares? That’s just the way things are. No feeling-state or mind-state is permanent. Everything changes. Nothing lasts forever. Who cares? That’s the freedom.
Investigate the present reality instead of chasing a future projection.
When you are trying to get somewhere, you are chasing a projected ideal, something conceptual, not something actual. Instead of chasing the conceptual, why not remain with the actual, with what is actually happening now? Investigate the present reality instead of chasing a future projection. When the ego is seen through, all there is is what is. This is actually love, this is the real love. The lack of a centre, the lack of a doer, that’s what love really is. It’s not an emotion at all. It’s not necessarily even feeling loving, although that may happen when it’s appropriate.
When the ego is seen through, all there is is what is. This is actually love, this is the real love.
Without the ego at play, all there is is natural functioning. Emotions then act accordingly when they are required. It’s not healthy to be happy all the time, nor is it likely to be physiologically possible. Our varied emotions, fears and mental states are there to guide us as we navigate the world.
So, when the ego is seen through, this is what we could call love, although love is just a label for this as it actually is. This ‘love’ is not what most people mean by ‘love’. It is not an emotion, it includes everything that is happening, and it is not dependent on what is happening. It is un-conditional you could say. It is always here because it is none other that what is here. It is universal motion seeing through illusion. It is what is recognising what actually is.
Science does not lead to truth
Science is a tool
Science is a tool, not a means of truth. And like all tools, they are neither good or bad in themselves, but can be used according to the will of he who wields it. A spanner can be used to help make a hospital bed or it can be used to hit you over the head and put you in hospital bed. Science is no different, but due to its potential power it can be used to vastly improve or destroy the quality of human life on large scales.
Science does not tell us what is true, it is a method of prediction
However one thing it is useful to be clear on is that science does not tell us what is true. Science is a way of predicting what will happen in a given set of circumstances. A scientific theory is a model that explains what we observe. A model is a conceptual construct that is created by the human mind – it says if you do action ‘x’, then result ‘y’ is seen to occur. We call this cause and effect, but even that is an assumption. Perhaps I am being pedantic here, but we don’t really know that ‘x’ causes ‘y’ in any solid way. All we know is that when you do ‘x’, then this leads to ‘y’. This is all cause and effect really means.
If the theory works, it doesn’t mean that it is true, it just means that we can use it as a provisional way of predicting what will happen. This model can be used to predict what will happen in various scenarios. As long as the theory works, we continue to use it. If we find that it doesn’t work in some situations, then we have to re-examine the theory and come up with a better one that will work in those situations.
This has some interesting implications. For example we cannot say that there is such as thing as an electron. We can only say that the conceptual model of an electron is a good way of predicting what will happen in certain circumstances (ie. circumstances involving ‘electrons’). It may be there are no such things as individual electrons, but if the theory works, we can use it nonetheless.
So strictly speaking, when someone says that a theory is true, what they really mean is that the theory works based on what we are currently able to observe and measure. Note that what we can observe/measure is always via our senses, and is limited by our senses and the machines we have constructed to feed into our senses (such as microscopes, rulers, speedometers, x-ray machines, etc).
Science can only disprove, not prove
Another way of saying this is that scientific truth is not really truth as most of us would accept it. It is simply a theory that works. Science can never actually prove something is true. It can only say that a theory is false by disproving it, or that a theory has so far not been proven false. The theories we have not been able to prove as being false are the ones we take to be ‘true’ (provisionally), until they are proven false later on.
Lets embrace science to improve the quality of human life
So, lets use science, and all other tools we have, to improve our lot and raise the quality of our life. And what is the quality of our life? Well this is determined by our experience of life. We can use material resources, science, technology (including medicine) and spirituality to improve our experience of life. Let’s make these tools instruments of love and peace. Therefore, let us become loving and peaceful so this may be done.
Ramana Maharshi: Self-Realisation is simply being one’s self
The state we call Realisation is simply being one’s self, not knowing anything or becoming anything.
If one has realised, one is that which alone is and which alone has always been. One cannot describe that state, but only be That.
Of course, we talk loosely of Self-Realisation for want of a better term.
Ramana Maharshi
(taken from the book Day by Day with Bhagavan, p. 296)
Tom’s comments:
Notice that the search for ‘understanding’ and the search for becoming ‘enlightened’ or ‘self-realised’ are both pursuits of the ego. The ego is looking for security and pleasure and has projected/created these fantasies which it tries to attain.
Instead of trying to attain a projected fantasy, why not instead look at what is actually happening? Look at yourself, look at the ego, the ‘I’. Ask yourself ‘what is this ego? Who am I?’ Investigate for yourself repeatedly and you will see that the ego, the ‘you’ is illusory – it’s just a bundle of thoughts that occur by themselves, spontaneously. ‘Your thoughts’ are not yours at all: note how you cannot chose to stop thinking, stop worrying, stop your addictions. You cannot chose to believe something you don’t. You cannot chose to not believe something you do believe. You cannot stop your ‘bad thoughts’. In fact you probably do not even know what exactly you will be thinking in 5 minutes time let alone tomorrow or 5 days from now.
Another point: if you happen to think you are a dinosaur, it doesn’t necessarily make you one. Similarly if you think that you are an ego (a doer, a thinker, an agent who has authorship over his/her actions), it doesn’t make it true. Yes, the idea of being a doer is just that: it is an idea, a belief that has been tacitly repeated to us and drummed into us since childhood. An oft-repeated lie is then (mistakenly) taken to be true.
In seeing this first-hand, there is no specific intellectual understanding or state of mind gained. It’s just that an illusion has been seen through, like seeing that a frightening snake is in fact just a harmless rope in poor light (or like realising that you are not in fact a dinosaur after all!).
No dogmas, no metaphysics, no complex body-twisting acrobatics, no beliefs and no rituals are necessary (although they may be a part of the apparent journey).
Then all there is is ‘what’s happening’, and what you thought was you is actually just a part of that happening. Or as Bhagavan puts it, all there is is ‘simply being one’s self’.
Free webstream talk: ‘Freedom from Suffering’
Do you want to watch me talk about this stuff? This Thursday I’ll be doing a live (and free) webstream with Conscious 2, find out more below:
http://www.conscious2.com/freedom-from-suffering/
http://www.conscious2.com/teachers/tom-das/
Tibetan Buddhism: The Mind Instructions of Khenpo Gangshar
Above is an excerpt from a text called ‘The Concise Mind Instructions Called Naturally Liberating Whatever You Meet’ by Khenpo Gangshar, as found in the book Vivid Awareness by Khenchen Thrangu.
In this short text Khenpo Gangshar goes on to say:
Directly, whatever arises, do not change it – rest naturally. This fulfils the essence of all creation stages, completion stages, mantra recitations, and meditations.
This is the heart of the highest Tibetan Buddhist teachings: to rest naturally and be vividly aware. Just be. I would add that in this no sense of self is being created, and this is the practice. To simply be, and not to take yourself as being a ‘self’ or ‘doer’. To use a commonly used phrase in vedanta: do not take yourself to be ‘this or that’.
Khenpo Gangshar goes on to give advice on how to deal with difficulties along the way:
You must take sickness as the path, afflictions as the path, the bardo as the path, and delusion as the path. The heart of all these applications is to rest naturally in the essence.
This advice is very much in line with most of traditional Tibetan Buddhist teachings, but here it is stated in very concise form. When difficulties come along, just rest in your natural being. Don’t identify as being ‘this or that’, don’t start to create or believe in the concept of being a doer. This is the false concept that is rooted out and seen through in this practice.
When life throws us a challenge, don’t simply fall back into your old habits of self-identification. It is from this creation of an imaginary doer/self that all other afflictions and suffering follows. Instead, just rest, just be. Let your awareness shine, let it shine brightly. If the thought ‘I’ arises, let it, notice it, notice that it is empty and does not describe or pertain to any reality. There is no ‘I’, there is no self. Only the bright expanse of phenomena.
One final thought from me, a question:
Does any of this have anything to do with Freedom? Does Freedom depend on any practice? Does Freedom depend on any of this?
Don’t accept a lie
Don’t accept a lie.
If you see there is no evidence for there being a separate ‘you’,
Then whenever this thought or notion ‘you’ turns up in daily life,
See through it.
Deny it.
Not out of a belief,
Not as a formula to be repeated,
But as something that is clearly seen.
Don’t believe the hype
Public Enemy were onto something. They really were. Their song title ‘Don’t believe the hype’ has profound ramifications when applied to our own beliefs. We have consumed so many ideas of what will fulfill us, so much propaganda.
The mind churns out all sorts of formulas for what will make us happy. Don’t believe any of it. It’s all rubbish. All of it.
I’m not talking of practical issues of survival or health, etc. I’m talking about wanting more than that. I’m talking about dukkha, that insatiable existential itch that always comes back no matter how many times you scratch it.
The mind comes up with endless and repetitive ways of scratching that itch. But everything you think will make you happy – none of it will fill that deep dark hole inside you. Yes, it may give you some temporary pleasure, perhaps even some longer lasting pleasure too, but that void inside of you that tugs and tugs away at your insides returns saying “I want more, I want more…“:
I want a girlfriend/boyfriend
I want a degree/job/skill/to be able to dance better
I want to get drunk/get high/fall asleep
I want a bigger/new/better/faster ____.
I want a house/car/other object
I want to look better/bigger/thinner
I want curly/straight/blonde/brown hair
It’s even worse when people are involved. Then the “If onlys” start:
If only he did it this way
If only she shut up a bit
If only he was more considerate
If only she did not complain so much
If only he talked less
If only she talked more
Worse still are the “shoulds“:
I should have done ‘x’
He shouldn’t have done ‘y’
I can’t believe ‘z’ happened. ‘z’ so shouldn’t have happened
When it comes to spiritual matters, it’s just as bad, more hype:
I want to feel good forever and ever and ever
I want God to protect me and make me feel good (forever)…
I want to pray/meditate/go to church/satsang more…
I want to be able to do those yoga poses
I want to know all those scriptures and read all those books
I want the ultimate Understanding
I want Enlightenment
See, it’s all bogus. Phoney. Whatever you attain can be lost. I’ll repeat that – whatever you attain can be lost.
Any conceptual understanding gained is a concept that can be doubted or questioned. Eternal Happiness is right here and now. It is ever-present, just waiting to be noticed. And how do you notice it? Just by noticing the truth that you have believed the hype and created your misery.
Don’t believe the hype – then the misery and nagging itch inside that longs for more – that all disappears. And ‘you’ disappear along with it all, for all ‘you’ are is a bundle of thoughts. And what is left when ‘you’ disappear? Ahh, the sweetness of it all…indescribable
So next time you want something really bad, next time you think you know what will make you happy, take my advice: think again. What are you looking for? Will that really make you happy? As I said, it’s all rubbish. See through it all. Remember: don’t believe the hype.
God is everywhere
God is everywhere
– where is She not?
All there is is God. It is not right to say God is in all things, for that implies a duality between things and God. It is not right to say God is in you, for that implies you are a container for God and different to God.
There are no things, only God. The idea of separate things is illusory. There is just an interconnected whole. Call this wholeness God, or Life, or The Great Spirit, or anything you like. There is no room for anything else. Only God. No ‘you’, no ‘I’, just ‘Him’.
Is there even a single particle where ‘She’ is not? (Is She not omnipresent and infinite?)
Everything moves and has its being in Him. Everything that moves and has being (exists) is also Him.
All there is is God. All is God.
The Drama
Here’s an article I wrote for naturalhealthstar.com about the stories we tell and how to deal with ‘drama’:
www.naturalhealthstar.com/general-wellness/the-drama/
[Update: the above link no longer works so I have posted the article in full below:]
I remember a great piece of advice a friend gave to me: “Drama” she said “Don’t go there. Just don’t go there. Always stay out of the drama!”.
And it was good advice. Another word that could have been used instead of drama is the word story. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s story or narrative. We often tell each other stories: in our interpersonal relationship, in the workplace and in the media where it is often exaggerated as spin. I’ve seen so many relationship issues that are caused by the stories people tell about each other. There is the story of blame, the how could she/he do that to me story. There is the you are a bad person story. There is the I am a bad person story, the nobody could like/love me story and the once I get promoted I’ll be happy story. Of course you could replace promoted with a few hundred other things. There is the story of victimhood , the story of perpetration, and the story of being a helper or rescuer. I could go on.
Now, that is not to say that there are never perpetrators or victims, or that people are never to blame. There clearly are victims sometimes and sometimes people are incompetent and need to be held responsible for their actions. But being a victim, for example, is different to the drama or story of victimhood. These stories we so often tell ourselves and each other serve no useful purpose, but we can sometimes feel a sense of strength and certainty when we cling to them.
Who would we be without those stories? Would people walk all over me? Would anyone pay any attention to me? Would anyone love me?
Are any of these stories true? If so, where is the evidence, and if there evidence then is this evidence just another story? (Maybe it isn’t a story – only you know the correct answers to these questions)
So let me ask you: who would you be without your stories? Can you spot the times that you enter into other people stories about you and, for example, start to defend yourself? What stories do you tell about other people? What stories do you have about yourself?
Tom Das 